This was actually a couple days ago

06.13.07

Today was the best day ever. Serious. Yesterday was an awesome day. I just hope that the rest of this week is awesome.

Today, after I went home from school (NO HOMEWORK, CHA!!), I reread Rebel Angels. Finished in an hour. Yea, I’m tooting my horn. Toot tooot.

Afterwards, I got my cousin and I to play outside. I love the outdoors!!! I start to wonder why I spent half of my on the computer.

We took out the bubble bottle and blew tons, ton of bubbles. It was so fun!! Yea, like no duh. But it reminded me of when I was really small. It was fun. To act like a kid. I don’t want to grow up. Never. Ever. Which is why I’m jumping off the cliff and flapping my arms, hoping that fairy dust will rain down on time and make me float up high, to the second star from the right and straight on till morning. I salute you James Barrie.

I pulled my cousin to the pool and blew the bubbles until they floated like little lilies on the surface, floating away, with slight breeze blowing. It is a beautiful day today. Beautiful. And I’ll prove it. See that? That’s the view outside my window. Pretty, eh??

And we sat on the banks of the pool, swinging our legs over the water. My cousin sometimes seems so much older than he is supposed to be. He’s eight right now, but the way he acts, as if he’s afraid of acting like a weirdo. I guess I could have told him to enjoy this time of your life while it lasts, but, nah, he’ll just cherish these moments more when he grows up.

I have this friend. I’m not sure, but I think she’s changing. We used to be really weird idiots, playing during lunch at school. But she’s changed. It seems as if she doesn’t want to anymore. Is she afraid of acting weird, afraid of what people will think of her? I want to shake her and ask if she’s crazy, because if acting stupid is that way to have real fun, then acting stupid is the way to go. I guess that’s what happened when you grow up. You want to fit in with the others. But I don’t want to fit in, wear “cool” clothes, gossip about others, pointing at guys and giggling.

I want to be unique.

But being unique is difficult. The pressure of the others looking at you like you’re a freak, is scary. I guess, if you think about it, we all want to “fit in”. But is it worth it? To act “grown up”? I think that we shouldn’t think of how other people are thinking of us, and let the true side of us show. It’s harder than it seems. It seems as if, if you let your true side show, maybe your friends will run away from you. That you’re not what they want.

I think that we should only act mature when it is necessary to. God knows that we will all have stressful life when we grow up. Why start now?
It’s just a hard road to go, knowing that others will look at you strangely, to know that you’ll never truly “fit in”.


There are choices, none better then one another, just different, with their own consequences.


[Q]uote of the Day
“There are no safe choices. Only different ones.” – A Great and Terrible Beauty, by Libba Bray.

[S]ong of the Day
“All the Same” – Sick Puppies

[M]ood of the Day
Happy, but Thinking About Life More than Usual





























06.13.07

-TOPIC 1-

Today I was having a great day. I have told you below. But that bring up another topic. There is no “bad” days, and no “good” days.

I guess it just depends on your mood that day.

If your day was just horrible today, like everything that could have gone bad went bad, and some more, think. Think of just one thing that someone did for you, think of just one moment that was like little rays of sunshine on your storm of mad mood-y-ness.

I’m sure you’ll come up with a couple.

I guess, that your mood really puts things in perspective. If you’re grumpy, all the bad things stand out, overshadowing the happy in your day. Vice versa for the happy days.

But if you’re having a bad day, (DANIEL POWTER) just lie down think of the happy things that day, or think of something kind someone did for you. Then sort of smile, and remember to thank the person the next day.

It always helps me sleep better. XD

[S]ong ===“You Had a Bad Day” Daniel Powter

-TOPIC 2-

I think a lot. I mean, whenever something happens to me, it connects with an old memory. Like, whenever I eat watermelon, I remember Tina and Brian and their watermelon eating contest in 6th grade. They both ended up eating 11 slices each, but since they ran out of watermelon, they just had a race to see who can eat the last slice the fastest. Tina won. XD Go Tina.

I guess I do a lot of reminiscing.

-TOPIC 3- (Evil people)

Is there such a thing as “evil” people? It is not as they were born and held a knife in their hand or something.

I think it is just mistakes. Stupid mistakes. Or just them giving up on themselves. Gave up to their hunger for something. Power. Greed. Tacos. You know, something. An evil person probably doesn’t think herself/himself an evil person, but as a normal person who leads a normal life, just making decisions and small, and sometimes, not so small sacrifices.

The man who killed another never meant for it to happen. He did this, she did that, and then, someone lies dead on the floor. A simple misunderstanding. A mistake. Something that was not thought through thoroughly. Unraveled.

The girl on drugs never meant for it to happen. “It was just too much pressure. The drugs get rid of them.” “Everyone else did it. I just wanted o fit in.”

-Topic 3 ½- (About drugs, or peer pressure)

You hear these stories all the time. Excuses repeat one another, until you want to scream for them to shut up, ignore the pressure, decline the offer. Don’t fit in.

But it’s harder. So much harder. You’re probably just reading this and going, of course. “Well duh, it’s hard.”

But I don’t you to think that. If you’re going to be this shallow about it, don’t read this at all. I want you to delve into the problem, to really imagine what it is like to be her, or him.

And let it all sink in.

Sometimes, it is nice to just sit down, and think. You get so much more…more attentive of others. Of the feelings…I guess that makes you become a better person?

But don’t listen to me. Find out yourself.


-Topic 4-

I notice that I do off-track a lot. In the beginning, I was planning to tall you my awesome day, but I ended up talking about how short childhood is, and the pressure of “fitting in”.

My train of thought just went crazy, it was no where near the tracks now. It’s no longer just off-track. It is now rampaging into a herd of cows 500 yards away from the tracks.

You know how people say, “I just lost my train of thought”?

My friend calls it a loose caboose. XD.

I’m jealous. My friend is just so perfect in every way. She’s funny, witty, outgoing, happy, smart, pretty, and athletic.

Everything I can do, she can do better.

I guess it’s wrong of me to think of her this way, but I guess it’s natural. That someone should feel jealous of one another. What can I say, I am just human.

And I really felt it when the person I liked, confided in me that he likes her. I guess. Haha, just the way life is.

What I’m most sure of right now, is that if my friends should ever find my blog, I’d be humiliated. Like, bury me now embarrassed.

The problem with me is that I cannot confide in someone I know. It makes me seems weaker than who I am.

I hate appearing to be weak.

Those stupid hurtful comments?? Nah, they just bounce off me. I don’t mind.

Cry?? I’m sorry, that word is not in my dictionary.

Help?? No, I can handle it.

Sad?? You crazy?

Angry?? Not really.

Happier than Disneyworld, the happiest place on earth? You bet.

I want to appear happy. To be carefree. Pretend it doesn’t matter. That I don’t get frustrated. That I’m not bursting a vein. That I only have have two moods: happy, and happier. That I’m not crying.

The effect is that people think I’m always happy. My friend who just met me, like in the beginning of this school year. Her name is Sarah. We only hang around in PE though. We’re PE buddies. XD. After a couple months, she sat down next to me after we ran our warm up lap. She smiles and says, “I like you. You’re always so happy.” It made me feel happy and hurt all at the same time. Like..uhh…what’s the word…bittersweet. So I grinned at her and proved her right.

The only emotions I have trouble controlling is anger. My anger is a problem. My cousin has a scar.

But I’m getting better. Better at controlling it.

Tears break out too. But I can count on fingers how many times my own family saw me cry. I can count on one hand how many times my friend saw me cry. Two. Two times. And that’s all I’m planning for them to see.