Gosh...

So....

This was something that happened a couple days ago, that I should have posted several days ago when my feelings were still fresh. Well, since it was pretty big...it was still fresh I guess. But not as fresh as before.

My friend and I got in an argument. I guess her point to me was that she thought i never understood, never really listened to her. Well, i have to agree on the listening part. I mean, I'm just not a good listener. I try. I sincerely do. So, kudos to her on that.

I don't understand, huh? Well guess what, WRONG. You just think that. But you're wrong, You're all wrong. It all I can do right now to do type in, Muahahahaha. Don't get me wrong though. I care. I just really don't show it.


Back to the story. So, I did what was expected. I acted like a complete jerk. Looking back, if I was my friend, I would have punched myself into a bloody pulp. But since it was over the internet, I guess I would have to punch the computer. I'm off track again....

So, while she was confronting my faults, my patience was already waning from our previous conversation where she acted like she was queen of world. I mean, I felt like I was sucking up to her before. Oh, wow, congrats for the thousandth time on winning the track meet two weeks ago. Congrats on making that contest thingy! Oh, you didn't make it to the speech for the event?? Oh, so sorry, truly am!!

You get the idea. So when she typed in, "You know, lately, your attitude needed adjustment"
I just lost it, man. L O S T I T. Completely.

Instead of typing in very, very rude comments, I typed in something much, much, more G-rated. I typed in, "Oh, here we go again"

She lost it. I mean, over the internet, I could hear her muscles tensing, crying out of frustration.

How can you argue with someone that you just made cry? You'd have to be totally impassive. TOTALLY.

That's really what annoyed me. Lately, it seems as if she cried over every little thing. From The Joy Luck Club to issues such as this. I felt myself exploding.

But, seriously, can you compete with tears?? No, you never, EVER, can.

So, I started telling her stuff I've kept in for years. Impossible to argue with someone who is crying. Impossible. But what was scary, was that while i typed in those horrible comments about herself, I had no feeling. Well, I did a bit annoyed, but other than that, nothing. N O T H I N G.

I wanted to care, I seriously did. But you can't force those feelings. Empathy. I felt none of that. Did you know what I did as I told her that? I was playing solitaire, and losing horribly. I just couldn't bring myself to show some feelings...It felt like I turned to stone. With no feelings. Stone.


I have become a stone monster.